You're my little dorito
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
