Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize