Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
