we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
