with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
