I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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