I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize