There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
