a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
