my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
