Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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