I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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