is your mom at the bar?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
