can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
