wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
