I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
