Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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