How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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