i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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