So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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