Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize