I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
