While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He better not be in your backpack
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
