Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
