I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
