maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
