so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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