I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I believe in your delicious
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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