Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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