i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
