He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
