is your mom at the bar?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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