Where did you get a picture of my penis
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
