I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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