in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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