1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
