I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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