My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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