sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
