i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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