They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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