It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
