I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
