he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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