her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
