New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
