life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Porn is love you can see.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
