I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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