So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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