The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
