Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
