he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
