She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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