fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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