I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
