Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
