i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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