I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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