I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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