just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
