We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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