I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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