Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
