dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
