Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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