Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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