Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
