Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
