THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
