I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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