we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
