A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so let's talk penis.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
