i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
