Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
