I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
