You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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