Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
