Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize