I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Pooping to opera.
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