My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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