we're blogging at a bar
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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