I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
