jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
