He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
