he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Life is so much better after having sex.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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