The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Someone signed my nipple.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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