3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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