I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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