Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
