The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
