she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
