My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
