Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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