I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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