guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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