There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
