Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
