So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
