dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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