and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
