please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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