You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
