thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize